Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones, But Words Can Hurt for a Lifetime

Verbal trauma is more common than any other trauma. We often feel like we are not good enough, usually because we were told we aren't.

We’ve all heard the childhood phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s a comforting sentiment—one meant to build resilience against teasing or hurtful comments. But the reality is far different. Words have power. They shape our self-perception, influence our emotional well-being, and can leave wounds that don’t show on the surface but last a lifetime.

The Lingering Wounds of Verbal Trauma

Verbal trauma—whether through harsh criticism, name-calling, belittlement, or persistent negative messaging—can be just as damaging as physical harm. Unlike a broken bone that heals with time, the effects of verbal abuse can embed themselves deep within a person’s psyche, leading to:

Low self-esteem and self-doubt – When words constantly undermine a person’s worth, they internalize those messages, making it difficult to build confidence.
Anxiety and depression – Negative words create neural pathways in the brain that reinforce fear, shame, and sadness, making mental health struggles more likely.
Difficulties in relationships – Someone who has been emotionally wounded by words may struggle to trust others, fear vulnerability, or have trouble communicating effectively.
Self-destructive behaviors – The emotional scars from verbal trauma can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance use, self-harm, or isolation.

For children, words from caregivers, teachers, and peers have an even stronger impact. A single comment like “You’ll never be good enough” can take root, shaping the way a person views themselves for decades.

The Science Behind Words and the Brain

Research in neuroscience confirms that emotional pain activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain. Words can trigger the amygdala—the brain’s fear center—causing stress responses similar to those from physical threats. Chronic exposure to negative words can even alter brain chemistry, reinforcing patterns of anxiety, fear, and self-criticism.

On the flip side, positive words have the power to heal. Just as harmful words leave scars, affirming and compassionate words can build resilience, boost self-worth, and rewire negative thought patterns.

The Healing Power of Words in Therapy

Therapy is one of the most powerful ways to reverse the damage caused by verbal trauma. Through guided conversations, affirmations, and cognitive restructuring, individuals can begin to heal from the wounds inflicted by harmful words. Here’s how:

Reframing Negative Beliefs – Therapists help clients recognize and challenge harmful internalized messages. For example, “I’m not good enough” becomes “I am capable and worthy.”
Creating New Narratives – Therapy allows individuals to rewrite their stories, shifting from a place of pain to empowerment.
Validating Experiences – Many people downplay verbal trauma, believing “It wasn’t that bad.” Therapy validates that words can cause real harm, helping individuals process their experiences.
Encouraging Self-Compassion – Learning to replace harsh inner dialogue with kindness is a crucial part of healing.

Using Words to Build, Not Break

If words can wound, they can also heal. We all have the power to shape the emotional well-being of those around us. A kind word, an affirmation, or an expression of understanding can make a profound impact on someone struggling with verbal trauma.

Ways to Use Words for Healing:

✔ Offer genuine compliments and encouragement.

✔ Listen with empathy and avoid dismissing someone’s feelings.

✔ Challenge negative self-talk in yourself and others.

✔ Practice self-affirmations: “I am enough.” “I deserve love.” “I am strong.”

Final Thoughts

While physical wounds heal with time, the impact of words can last far longer. However, with awareness, therapy, and the power of positive language, healing is possible. If you or someone you love has been affected by verbal trauma, know that you are not alone, and recovery is within reach.

At Nashville Psychiatric Wellness, we are here to help. If you’re struggling with the effects of verbal trauma, reach out to begin your journey toward healing—because your story doesn’t have to be defined by the past.